->tHINKARONI
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->Secret Spy Lie
->
i finally put the story together and wrote it down as i was typing to someone on discord
here is what i typed
i was listening to an alex jones video and after a break - the bumper music played a few seconds of the beginning of this song - i never heard it before -
because i liked the sound of the beat and the guitar - i got my phone and did wazam to find out what song it was
so if you listen to that song on yewspewed - just think that i only heard the first few seconds when the beat is interrupted by the sudden loud 2 second guitar slide sound - that is it -
when i read the lyrics - i was consumed with horror and shame and wonderment
it sounded like the words of my son - to me - from the grave ( i will explain later )
here are the lyrics to a song you can find on yewspewed
the title is ' how soon is now '
The Smiths Lyrics
"How Soon Is Now?"
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth, how can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that was criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth, how can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own
And you go home and you cry and you want to die
When you say "it's gonna happen now"
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth, how can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
the reason why this is significant is that the words talk about a shyness that is criminally vulgar
when my son was in diapers is when we first noticed something wrong - he would refuse to get out of his car seat - then when i took him out and stood him in the grass - he sat down while everyone else went into the house - later - whenever he was told to do simple things like brush your teeth for bedtime - ( this is before spongebob ) he would drop on the floor and flop like a fish and writhe in anguish - even up until he was 17 years old - when told to do a task like sweep the kitchen floor - he would stomp his feet on the way - he also started getting some visible facial ' tic ' movements - like a slight flinching to one side of his jaw muscles -
then he moved out and things were great for a few years - then he started having worse trouble and started drinking heavily - got on medications - for bipolar etc .
then he took od of pills at a nght club -
the verses of the song speak of going to a club hoping to find someone and leaving alone - getting home and wanting to die
so there you have the first part
oh yeah - another part of the song - how can you say - i go about things the wrong way - and about needing love ...
also - i am the heir of the shyness and i am the heir of nothing in particular -
( meaning - i was nothing to him )
now the next MOST surprising part
some time after that - months later - i started watching a yewspewed video - and as soon as the music hit my ears - i felt the same feelings that i felt when i listened to and read the lyrics of the first song -
however -
i did not recognize it as such - i had NO idea why that music hit me and made me feel really bad - so stopped listening to it - but - for some reason - i decided to download that video and save it -
months later - i saw the filename of that video in my music folder - ( i have about 9,000 music files ) rock and roll from mostly the 70 ' s
so i wondered what the name was - i could not remember - so i played it - and wham - the feeling hit me again !
at that very second - i looked over to the main monitor to the right and - on the yewspewed video start page - i saw a german nazi soldier's face -
that immediately reminded me of a picture of my son - and i found it shortly after that
guess what the title of the movie is from which that music soundtrack is from ?
can't remember it right now - have to look it up
ok - the song title is -
the paradigm
( which is what i am in the middle of with this experience -the biggest one of my life )
guess what - just now as i am writing - is the first time i realized and thought of the aspect of the title name and the situation ...
next - the music is a soundtrack for a movie - and - the title of the movie is ->
leave the world behind
i am not kidding you - because i just now realized that the name of the song also correlates - i am in more wonderment than before but now
the entire experience is more solid than ever as an unnatural phenomenon <- ( what an oxymoronic thing to say ! )
ok now - for the final frontier - the two pictures
